Sympathy Saturday - Running out of cards

A few days I had to get to a store to buy another sympathy card.  Only a couple of weeks ago, I bought a couple of sympathy cards to send to dear friends.  A couple of months ago I had a few cards but I ended up using them as well to send to friends from Jeff's workplace.  It seems to come in three as the saying goes but lately it seems like every other week I get the sad news of a family member or a very good friend passing away.  Honestly I don't feel right buying extra cards just in case I need them but at the same time, when I get the news, I prefer to send a card as soon as possible in the hopes that it comforts them and or their family.  Today I would like to offer my sincerest condolences to our friends and their family for their recent loss.  The following words are from one of the cards that I recently sent.

Just as the sun will see then rise with each and every dawn,

The souls of those who lived life well eternally live on.

Now that the sun has seemed to set on one so very dear, 

Please know a soul who lived so well remains forever near. 

Weeping Wednesday - Gone too soon

There are no words to describe the sadness one feels when a mother loses a child.

Monday Mourning - Boo Hoo Patriots

Tom Brady how can you let me down.  I cannot believe my favorite team lost.  I was more worried for the 49ers than the Patriots.  What was funny was that when we first started watching the 49ers game I was not wearing my hoodie.  The Falcons was ahead and Jeff said "where's your hoodie? you have to wear it to cheer for our team".  Shortly after I put it on, they scored and they came back and win the NFC championship game.  Then it was time to watch my team, when they scored first, I was feeling OK until the Ravens came back and scored three touchdowns, then I knew.  There lots of errors and whatever name you want to use.  Before watching the game, I was not worried and thought the game would be close but in the end, I was sure the Patriots would come through.  Anyway, there's no sense crying over spilled milk.  It's time to get pumped for the 49ers and just cheer on with my hubby.  It will be a great Superbowl because it will be the battle of the twins.  For those of you who are real football fans, you know what I mean.

Fine Friday - Are you really?

In a satisfactory or pleasing manner, very well, nicely, good.  That's what the dictionary defines the word FINE.  A long time ago a friend of mine ask me if I knew what fine really meant, so I replied with how it was defined in the dictionary.  And then he explained the meaning of the acronym.  At that time I thought my friend was so clever (this was before Google).  After that I was not very comfortable saying that "I'm fine" and pick some other way to describe exactly how I feel. 

• F - @#%*! up
• I -  Insecure
• N - Neurotic
• E - Emotional 

After last Friday's school shooting, one might ask if there will be a day when those people who lost their loved ones are going to be fine.  I believe it's the shooter that is definitely fine.  I wonder how many times his parents ask him "how are you doing today? and his response "I'm FINE".  

It has been a week and the country is still talking about the tragedy.  The parents are still processing what happened to their children.  The children are wondering what happened to their parent or grandparents.  When you lose a child, you will never be FINE.  You just try to move on with life and hope that one day you will stop asking why. It has been over four years since my son died and I am not FINE (see above), but I am alive and I'm doing OK.

Sorry Sunday - Lets pause to say a little prayer

Today I would like to share this poem for the family and friends of the Sandy Hook Elementary Shooting.  It is very sad and I know exactly how those parents feel.  I know what it feels to lose a child.  When you read this post, please pause and say a little prayer for all who have lost a loved one last Friday, December 14, 2012.

Why Wednesday - Do you have an answer to my WHY's?

It has been 1,245 days since my son passed away.  You are probably wondering why am I going back instead of moving forward. Lately I am having a little trouble sleeping.  Some nights I am even afraid to go to sleep because my mind starts wondering and it goes around in circle and it always about my son.  

Why are the thoughts of him all coming back?

Why am I still asking why did he wanted to go so soon?

Why can't I find a reason that I can accept?

Maybe this is just a phase because of the Christmas holidays fast approaching.  Maybe some of you who have experienced such a loss, find some simple answers to my WHY's.  Maybe it is normal to feel this way after 1,245 days.  I know this is not a very happy post, but I thought if I write it out, it might help me sort these WHY's in my mind.